Nat and Thor Go to Disney World (Sort of)
by wanderingkings
Summary: Or, Nat regrets all of her life decisions. Kinda crack? Briefly ft. Steve.


The loud bass of the music playing on the radio is the only thing Natasha can hear as she speeds through traffic. A deafening snore cuts through the melody of the song, and she has to resist the urge to chuck a shoe at her companion's head. Scratch the bass being the only thing she can hear. Thor taking a nap is the first and last thing that'll make her deaf. She reaches towards the dashboard to turn the volume up and to hopefully drown out the snoring, but to no avail. Sighing, she leans back in the seat and slams her foot on the gas.

When she pulls into the parking lot, the sun is high in the sky, and most of the spaces are already full. She eventually finds a spot and pulls out the car keys, then shakes Thor.

"Hey. Hey, wake up. We're here."

Thor shifts slightly and settles his face against the window.

Natasha rolls her eyes and mercilessly grabs his head, shaking it back and forth. "Thor, get up."

Thor shoots up in his seat with a shout, then registers Natasha sitting with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. "Where are we?"

"Disney World, like I promised Fury. Now come on, let's go." Natasha gets out of the car, but when she turns around, Thor is still sitting down and groaning. She grinds her teeth together and walks over to his side of the car, opening the door.

Thor's head slips down the window.

"Really? You can't seriously be that tired."

"Agent Romanoff, I am very tired," Thor mumbles.

Natasha drags him unceremoniously out of the car. "You slept two hours in the car and ten hours last night. Let's go."

Thor stumbles into the car parked next to them, leaving a dent in the side.

Natasha crosses her arms. "I can't believe they made me do this alone."

Thor straightens up, confused. "I'm here too."

Natasha slams the car door shut. "I meant coming here with you. I have to babysit you alone."

"Oh," Thor says, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion.

Natasha starts walking towards the tram stop, and after a moment, Thor runs after her.

"Wait, what do you mean you have to babysit me?"

– – –

"Splash Mountain?" Thor says, peering over Natasha's shoulder at the map. "That sounds fun."

"As long as there aren't any teenage girls trying to touch your hair every second, I'm sure it's delightful," Natasha says, folding the map.

Thor grins. "I don't mind it."

"That's great, but I do because they end up spilling their drinks on me. If you haven't noticed, I've gone through four different outfits and we haven't even had lunch yet."

Thor tilts his head. "Have you? You're always wearing black, so I couldn't tell."

Natasha looks down at the extra large, black Star Wars T-shirt that's hanging over the knees of the black sweatpants she's wearing. "Point taken. But I still have Coke in my hair, and it's not comfortable."

As she starts walking, she hears Thor call her over, and she walks back.

"They have cotton candy!" he exclaims, pointing at a concession stand.

She looks at him, unimpressed. "They have cotton candy everywhere. Ask Tony to buy you a truckful when we get back."

"But he can't buy me any now, and I want some right now," Thor insists.

"This is what I meant when I said I have to babysit you," Natasha says, pulling out her wallet regardless.

Thor looks at her with a hopeful smile. "But you're still going to buy some?"

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Yes. Now which do you want, pink or blue?"

"Pink," he says, following her to the stand. He smiles at the worker. "I like pink."

The worker raises an eyebrow.

"One pink cotton candy, please," Natasha says, leaning on the counter and pulling out a ten-dollar bill.

The worker hands her a bag and the change. "Have a nice day."

"Thanks." Natasha takes the bag and change and grabs Thor's arm, pulling him away.

"Can I eat some now?" Thor asks.

Natasha pockets the change. "I thought you wanted to go on Splash Mountain."

"After I eat some cotton candy," Thor says. "Please?"

Looking bored, she gives him the bag, and he tears it open, shoving a handful into his mouth.

"This," he says, pointing to the half-empty bag, cotton candy stuck in his beard, "is the best invention in the history of humankind."

"Awesome," Natasha says. "Now, can we go? You can eat in line."

Thor gestures with his hand. "After you, Mrs. Romanoff."

Natasha turns. "Mrs.?"

Thor shoves more cotton candy into his mouth. "You and Banner? You're not–?"

"No," Natasha says, giving him a strange look. "No, we're not married."

"But," he begins, waving his hand, "you are together?"

She crosses her arms, not in frustration, but in genuine intrigue. "You of all people. Really."

Thor makes a face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You of all people picked up on that," she says.

He shrugs, pulling out more cotton candy. "I know what it's like to be in a relationship."

"Huh," Natasha says, pressing her tongue against the inside of her cheek.

Thor shoves the last piece of cotton candy into his mouth. "So? Should we go now?"

"Yeah, but tell anyone and you're dead," she says, grabbing the empty bag and crumpling it up.

"Tell anyone what? About you and Banner?"

"What do you think, Thor?" She throws the bag in the trash.

Thor puts his hands in his jeans pockets. "Trust me, Ms. Romanoff. It won't take the others long to find out."

– – –

It's quiet for about two minutes before Thor speaks up.

"Why did you buy me ten bags of cotton candy? Not that I'm complaining, of course."

Natasha briefly looks over at him before turning her eyes back to the road. "So you don't fall asleep and refuse to get up again."

Thor nods slowly, looking back out the window at the headlights of other cars as they rush by.

"Thank you for taking me to Disney World, Ms. Romanoff," he says, reaching a hand into a bag of cotton candy.

"Yeah? Did you have fun?" she asks, turning on her blinker and glancing behind her shoulder to switch into the next lane.

"I did, yes."

"That's good," Natasha says absentmindedly, turning the steering wheel to the left. "What was your favourite ride?"

Thor opens a new bag of cotton candy. "It's a Small World. It was very colourful."

Natasha nods and looks at him from out of the corner of her eye, trying to concentrate on the road. "Don't tell me you're actually on the last bag."

Thor stops eating and slowly lowers the almost empty bag. "Um, maybe."

"We just left, Thor. Are you serious?"

"What? This is wonderful; I like it." He bunches up the plastic in his hand. "I'm also very tired."

"Don't you dare," Natasha warns. When she looks over, Thor is already leaning his head against the window, arms folded, eyes closed. She sighs loudly, trying to wake him, but he only snores. She knocks her head against the headrest and wishes she were back at the hotel already.

– – –

"No, Steve. You're helping me carry him," Natasha says, stepping into their shared hotel room.

"How about no?" Steve says, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.

Natasha glares at him. "I carried him all the way here, now help me lift him up."

"Okay, okay." Steve pushes himself off the wall and hooks his arms under Thor's legs. "So? How was it?"

Natasha blows a strand of hair out of her face. "It felt like I was with a child all day, but other than that, it was fine."

Steve laughs. "Come on, Nat. Thor's a nice guy."

"I never said he wasn't nice," she says, dropping Thor's upper body onto a bed. "He just acts like a kid."

Steve glances at her. "It couldn't have been that bad."

Natasha sighs. "It really wasn't. I'm just tired from driving so much."

Steve nods, placing Thor's legs onto the other end of the bed. "Take a shower. I'll keep an eye on him."

"Thanks," Natasha says, walking towards the bathroom. "He might be disoriented when he wakes up."

"Got it."

Natasha closes the door, and Steve places his hands on his hips, staring down at Thor. He thinks for a second, then pulls the blanket over Thor. He paces around until he hears the shower turn on, and then he sits down on the bed.

Steve lets out a breath. "Guess I'm just gonna have to sleep on the edge of the bed tonight, huh?" He brings his legs up and folds his hands behind his head, leaning against the pillows. He turns onto his side and closes his eyes, and falls asleep with his shoes still on.


End file.
